i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Randomize
