over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
Randomize
