glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
