yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I just want a better ending for myself. Not walking around with one sock on and my bush hanging out.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize