Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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