i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Randomize
