A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
