I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
