i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
You grabbed the hot guy that was making out with his girlfriend all night, slurred "I need to borrow this" then shoved your hand down his pants. All because you thought your ex walked into the bar. It was majestic in its shitshowness.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
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