Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
