Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
