Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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