Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
