He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
Found your dick twin last night
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
Randomize
