This cougar at my work just said "big breasts" referring to poultry... Still resulted in a boner.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
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