My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
