Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
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