make any headway on the foot/dick situation?
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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