I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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