New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Yep. Just fucked a 34 year old on the football field where we both went to high school. That's a story for the grandkids.
Randomize
