mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
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