Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
