Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
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