dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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