i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
