Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
drunken yoga. on the beach. senior week. you have been chosen <3
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
Randomize
