so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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