i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
Randomize
