ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Even my vagina gasped.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Randomize
