I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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