Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
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