my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
