She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
