I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
I just want him to slap me with his dick and call it love
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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