I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
You're mold. I may or maynot have puked blood this morning.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Randomize
