So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Randomize
