they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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