Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize