Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
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