it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Why is this not the first time I’ve seen the mugshot of someone I’ve slept with
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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