final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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