good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
