i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
