Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
We duck taped Dave to a rolling chair and shoved him in the bed of the truck then took off for a bit.. We didn't explain it that way when the nurse asked what happened though.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize