no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
