just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We were in his kitchen and she turned to me with a straight face and an avocado in her hand and said "Can we steal this?"
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
