i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
No...this little piggys going to the bar
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
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