I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Randomize
