I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
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