If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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