I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
It was literally the size of a half eaten tic tac.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Randomize
