I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
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