i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I made the antidote to the nasty cognac. I AM THE GOD OF MIXED DRINKS.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
