Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
Randomize