You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
me + whiskey = a bad person
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
