When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
Randomize
