Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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