Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
I shaved my legs finally. I am starting to remember what my skin feels like.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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