I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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