the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
