Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
