Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I went from a chick that didn't like to have sex to one that can't get enough of it. I can't believe I'm going to say this but at 27 I think I need a happy medium
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Every concussion has its silver lining
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Randomize
