I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
