If that was your dad, he is hot
btw ... thanks for not giving me up as the craigslist killer
i owe you one
thanks for snagging those panties for me
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Help. Why am I so naked?
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
