im having a threesome with these popsicles
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
