So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
