i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
should my penis look like a turkey
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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