I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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