So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
