when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
