Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
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