Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
he can show you his cooooock\nshining, shimmering, splendiddddd
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
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