I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
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