apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
