So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
