Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
