All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
