The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
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