Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
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