Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
i just heard Winston Churchill in auto-tune. thank you nerds.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
i can't invite random hot hobos into my aunt's house.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
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